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7 Stages of a BPD Relationship

Updated: May 26, 2023

Challenges for the BPD relationship cycle

People with BPD find it difficult to maintain healthy relationships due to angry outbursts, wild mood swings, fears, irrational behaviors, etc. You might feel bewildered and frustrated by the emotional fluctuations a BPD relationship cycle frequently involves.

You might also notice your partner going through unanticipated episodes of rage, anxiety, or depression. They might have loved you and then abruptly rejected you or became angry. It is often said that you never date someone with bpd as you can face the following bpd relationship challenges!

• Fear of rejection

• Anger due to perceived rejection and ignorance from a partner

• Unexpected mood swings and bouts of anger in your partner

• People with bpd may love their partner at one time and reject it at another time

• Your partner may feel that you are putting no effort or interest in a relationship

• Your partner may want to spend more and more time with you.

The 7 stages of the BPD relationship cycle

Relationships with people who have high-functioning bpd can be complex and cyclic. The average length of bpd relationship is known to be 7 to 8 years; however, the stability of a partner may make the relationship long-term. Also, it is possible to develop trauma from dating someone with bpd and you may be aware of 4 types of bpd. A recurrent, continuous sequence of highs and lows in a relationship with a person with a borderline personality disorder is called a BPD relationship cycle. You can learn more about the 18 signs you grew up with quiet bpd.


In this stage, the BPD partner may treat you as their "favourite person" and concentrate on you beyond everyone else. They might appear invested in the connection in the first stage and request more time and attention from you. However, a mutual desire exists to maintain and build a future relationship.

Obsessive Neediness

Things start to become challenging at this point. Certain interpersonal triggers for BPD, such as self-worth issues and the fear of abandonment, are beginning to take shape. Your BPD partner gets more sensitive and perceptive to your actions and words during this period.

Withdrawing and withholding

BPD people take extraordinary measures to force you to provide them with the affection they desire as they grow more unsure about their partner's love. At stage three, there is a significant amount of fear of abandonment, and the BPD spouse may react by pushing you away.

They may even put you through tests to see if you will stay with them or not. Fights and disagreements may break out as a result of these activities. Many people ask what to do at this stage when someone with bipolar pushes you away. You can remind them about your love and affection or learn to say no to someone with a borderline personality disorder.

Escalating Devaluation

Sometimes, the BPD partner may turn to distance due to the testing and attempts to drive you away. They might make an effort to put emotional distance between themselves and you.

This might be confusing for you and possibly cause your partner to worry about the future of the union. In this stage, your BPD spouse may start to hide their feelings and emotions and may even keep asking you to confirm your feelings.


This is a stage of breakup for a guy (non-bpd partner). Here, you can find yourself unable to understand why the relationship is failing and what is happening. You might even experience annoyance and confusion due to your BPD partner's actions.

Return & Repair

If the relationship fails to make it through the previous stage, your BPD spouse may feel down and have depressed thoughts. They might even practice detrimental behaviours and negative self-talk that could endanger them. However, your partner will be urged to return and repair the relationship.

The cycle repeats

Your BPD partner may now start the relationship cycle and try to get in touch with you during this time. The relationship cycle might start again if your relationship reaches stage five. According to the things bpd says, the average relationship lengths in bpd are not very long-term despite the repetition of borderline personality disorder.

7 Stages of recovery Healing for Those with Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD is a widespread mental issue; however, recovering from it is possible through proper treatment, counseling and bpd therapies. There are few recovery stages for people who have borderline personality disorder. These stages are as follows!


Denial is the most common defense mechanism after awareness of certain things such as divorce, death, marital issues or more. However, bpd patients need to develop an acceptance to confront the problems while accepting the responsibility. This includes acknowledging the conflicts, and broken relations, handling stress, etc.


Denial is not the solution to any issue or conflict. After some time, it becomes difficult to ignore life's challenges. This results in people looking for assistance to determine what is wrong, which is how BPD is initially discovered. Many people use dissociation as a rapid fallback strategy. The capacity to leave oneself behind in the face of trauma is one of a person with BPD distinguishing traits. This frequently leads to a brief memory lapse, making things more confusing.


One's interest in knowing more about BPD is revived by their growing awareness of memory gaps. However, due to impulsivity, the resistance in bpd patients is strong at this stage. They may blame others for the damages and conflicts instead of accepting the disorder.


People with BPD experience emotions more intensely than others, particularly noticeable in their explosive anger. The default emotion, when confronted with a diagnosis, is anger, which is frequently directed at loved ones or anyone who attempted to assist along the way.

The person with BPD develops a deep sadness over feeling abandoned, misunderstood, and rejected by others. All these feelings lead towards stress and depression. However, depression should motivate bpd patients to move forward towards acceptance and treatment.


This stage includes the acceptance of bpd. However, the sense of understanding and acceptance motivates people to seek bpd treatment to develop a better self.

Now the bpd treatments start as counseling and therapies to develop coping skills in a patient. During bpd therapy at happy clinic cheats, patients learn to deal with stress and trauma while developing new insights through personality mirroring and other tactics leading towards better behaviour.


How to detach from someone with a borderline personality disorder?

To breakup, you do not need to be harsh. Be polite and gentle. Avoid interrupting your partner while speaking, and pay attention to their feelings. Validate: Don't pass judgement on them and acknowledge their feelings and issues. Simple Approach: Attempt to be amusing and help your partner along.

Why bpd relationships never work?

Relationships are destroyed by BPD splitting because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless to ease the pain, frequently causing harm to loved ones. They may begin to look for proof and create issues out of thin air because they may feel that everyone has abandoned or hurt them.

How Do Borderlines Handle Relationships?

People with bpd struggle in their relationships, particularly with the people who are closest to them. Loved ones may experience feelings of helplessness, abuse, and instability as a result of their erratic mood swings, anger, fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors.

What is the average length of bpd relationship?

According to findings from a 2014 study, couples with BPD have relationships that last an average of 7.3 years. Couples can remain partners for 20 years or longer in some circumstances.

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